Terra Cotta
Terra Cotta is a slightly squashed world in the corner of a galaxy left over from the other bits. The gods (who may be extinct, or at the very least out to a long lunch) once made the world as an experiment and quite cruelly put many different species on it just to see what would happen. Early sourcerers found frayed edges of creation and pulled on them, thus was born magik, though every spell has a cost, as many early magikians found to their peril.
Terra Cotta boasts vast, diverse landscapes: sprawling human kingdoms, ancient Faery forests that shift with the seasons, and sun-drenched plains where centaur clans roam freely. Beneath the surface, labyrinthine tunnels house the industrious mice, whose underground metropolises rival human cities in complexity (and snack availability).
Places
Bongland
The country of Bong is actually named after Big Bong and not the other way round, which would be Dnalgnob. Bongland is a country rich in artes and craftes, tea, tales of ancient witchery, and pies.
Twinne
A sprawling bohemian town filled with artistes, writers, dreamers, and debt collectors.
Twyne
Much like Twinne, but without any fun and everyone wears suits and works all the time. You’ll mostly find bankers, taxmin, and other debt collectors.
Norphumbleland
A place of war, Faeries, and corn fish pies.
Frankia
Chateau Briand
Fricca
Friccan pygmies are exceptional cooks, what they call Haute Cousin.
West Bonk
Bindi
Momboy
Spank
/Home of bull fights. Chief export is bullshit and omellette, a type of small omelle.
Formica
Home of cheap but useful gadgets like the self cleaning duster.
The Mung Roll Empire, aka The Isle of Dogs
The Western half of the Formican greatland is divided by an even greater wall some say is visible from Spank, especially after two shaqiras. The Great Wall of Formica was actually built to keep the Formicans in. It was built under the philosophy “If you build it you can put up a sign saying 50% off and people will queue outside for half a day.”
Dentland
A country so flat any structure taller than a house is inhabited by herds of sherpas.
The Ditch people are like the country – cold, filled with irony and engineering. Moderately good sailors who make extraordinarily good cheese and extraordinarily bad meatballs.
If you dig in the dirt you will find iron, and this help Dentland become world class engineers before other civilizations put their boots on.
Twerp. Destroyed by fires in the Muddle Ages. It was rebuilt under the treatise of Ants.
Famous painters are Van Moer, who painted the famous Dogges Playinge Pokyr and The Milkman, and Van Ick, who painted the fences on Spykerbroek Road.
Ditchland
If countries had a yearbook it would say under Ditchland – Most likely to be confused with Dentland.
Ditchlanders like sausage, beer, and not talking about the past. They value words by the pound, and never use a short word where a long word will do. Like Korttrekkingsbeeldgebrek, which means ‘abbreviate’. To foreigners the traditional Ditch Poem of The Delicate butterfly sounds like three dogs spitting up the remains of a ginger biscuit, but to Ditchlanders the language must be spoken with a calm feminine tone, and only then does it become beautiful.
The Jade East
Raqqa – A major trade gate between the Silkworm Road and the Big Ocean. A desert city, Raqqa’s main export is boredom. A lot of metal parts are cast there by talented sandcastlers. If you can make it there you probably can’t make it anywhere else.
Gypsym, the Capital City, famous for the great Pairmaids dotting the landscape in all cup sizes.
The Nail River – A fun place to hang out when you’re hammered.
Tobleron – famous for its controversial pointy buildings.
Asgrab – Nighclubs, Dayclubs, and empty wallets. If you like cheap dates you will love the food too.
Illinbed – A small but important town that sells the best camels at best price, best quality.
Ptooie – The famous Lentil Brothers emporium is a one-stop shop for carriage repair, botany, and special cigarillos.
Badhdad – A lot of thieves proudly grew up in Badhdad from single mothers. The fact that they all share the same eyebrows as the milkman goes unnoticed.
Mouse Onion – famous branch of libraries that includes the Library of Alekazam and the Mousetrap, a small niche library with books about libraries.
The Well Hung Gardens of Bobby Long
Scarabia
Bindi
Centaurion
The mythical capital city of the Centaurs.
Rumains – Rumainia
Norphen Sea
Muddy Tar Sea
Wallabee – A strange continent filled with terrifying giant animals who wear boxing gloves, and more terrifying, giant spiders who use fishing nets.
Rustland
Rustic people are very tall, strong, with iron deficiencies.
Weights and Measures
Currency
Pins – smallest unit of currency in Bongland. Pins are ridiculously hard to make and thus time = money means pins are legal tender.
Needles – 1 needle = 2 pins.
Button – second smallest unit of currency. 1 Button = 12 pins.
Coin – a gold coin with most of the edges shaved off, filed down, or stamped flat, so that the coins were little more than gold foil.
Time
Tinkle – There are sixty tinkles in a bell, and 20 bells in a day.
Bell – named after Big Bong. One bell rings out twelve times a day unless Gerald has fallen asleep.
Season – the Turn is divided into four seasons like a flatbread.
Turn, or Big Sun – Terra Cotta orbits Al Lark once every three hundred and thirty three days
Yarn – older form of Turn, usually written in Faery Tales.
Days of the week - Sun, the Moon, and their Five Children – Mike, Fryggit, Wooden, Thump, and Sultan
The Muddle Ages – a period of history where people accidentally waged war on the wrong nation due to a clerical error.
Distance
Mule – the distance one mule can carry a full load of straw before collapsing.
People
Maple Leaf St. Claire
Maple Leaf St. Claire is a fortune teller who lives, occasionally, in the city of Twyne. She's a tea-fueled, sarcasm-infused detective with a penchant for solving supernatural crimes and hexing people who waste her time. Armed with a grimoire in one hand and a Half Eaton Bun in the other, she solves mysteries that range fro*m stolen spellbooks to ghosts who refuse to pay rent, and murder. With a sharp mind, a sharper tongue, and a cat that may or may not be possessed, Maple Leaf is on the case—whether the case likes it or not.
Dr. Robart Feck
Dr Feck is a séantist at the Twyne Insitute of Technology and Séance. When not teaching or experimenting on the local quantum, he's sometimes out helping Maple Leaf with the more mekanikal parts of Terra Cotta.
Vinny t. Goth.
Aspiring artist, thief, and suitor of Arkasha.
Lady Grey
Earl Grey
Formerly The Earl of Gray, Earl Grey is Maple Leaf's faithful cat companion. Once in a blue moon he reverts to his former self, a swish debonaire playboy with rippling muscles and a penchant for the finer things in life. Earl Grey is a great philospher, being transformed into his present shape by three evil witches has left him with a cynicism, but he is able to offer Maple wise council on occasion.
Witch Hammer Malleus Malefatorum
There is nothing on this earth that Malleus Malefatorum despises more than witches. He wants every last one of them burned, scraped up, and pounded into bricks. As the spiritual leader of The Order second only to the Pupa himself, his word is law. Woe betide any serf who undercooks his breakfast, for Malleus is demanding of culinary excellence as he is of torture.
Captain Dourheart
Captain of The Order. He follows orders at all times, but does occasionally question the orders when it comes to executing kiddies. He still does it, but in a more kind-hearted way.
Citronella Plumpet
Citronella despises the common titles Strumpet, Slag, Hussie, Prostitute, or Lady of the Night. She's a Hoa, and proud of it! Her mansion is large, pink, and she has a fondness for tall wigs and white makeup that she applies with a roller. Her lips are a particular shade of rouge designed to drive men (and women on Frysdays) wild.
Clyde Hyggens (deceased)
Claude Hyggens. Twin brother of Clyde Hyggens. Also deceased.
Lady Aldershot nee Waterhouse
Her neices
Dullita Aldershot
Nothing interesting can be said about Dullita, Lady Aldershot's daughter, but secretly she has an absolute crush on the daemonic Pumpkin, servant of the coven, but is denied her love due to not being old enough to drive a carriage. She and Sir Clyde were planning on running away together as soon as she could get permission to leave the house.
Agnes Waterhouse
The reluctant bride to the daemon Pumpkin. She is Lady Aldershots favourite niece.
Emily Brontosaurus
Emily is known for two great things – the author of The Book Of Similar Words, and her remarkably long neck. She is an amateur witch who can't do the spells, but that doesn't stop her from dancing around the fire and summoning pumpkins without so much as the radio on.
Charlie Brontosaurus
The sister of Emily Brontosaurus. Died horribly in a carting accident, caused by Emily.
Japes
Rustle Japes, the faithful butler of Waterhouse, finds himself without a master to serve. His desire is to write romance so intense it makes ladies undergarmets catch fire.
Parochial Merriweather
Kronos
Leader of the Centaurs and the Keeper of Time.
Tempo – Centaur. Brother of Kyroan, and wife of Kronos.
Kyroan – Captain of the Centaur guards.
Kardios Rytmos – Child of Tempo and Kyoan
Son of Kronus, the great Centaur. Centaurs have learned to bend time, but not reverse it. Coined the phrase "Time does not exist, clocks exist"
Sir Barnsby Cattlemunger
Hedgemound Threadneedle
Mister Tiperary Wickpuller
Dusty Springmattress – A maid at Waterhouse.
Willy Waggledagger – the great playright (according to him)
The Stranger
A passing witch, she helps the coven at Waterhouse summon their servant.
Pumpkin
The daemon servant summoned by the coven at Waterhouse.
Fang
Serf to Mustafah Ibn
Salaamandar
Once a small lizard living under a rock, Salaamandar grew into a giant thanks to a splash of Hydrocarbonara from Maple’s caravan and terrorized Gypsum.
Memed – Chef Extraordinare from Mushylane now cooking for a takeaway outside Gypsum.
Witches
Mz Penelopoea Noble
Fanny Haddock
Penny Farthing
Mz Cumbria
Dame Lydia Wzorkl
Minjella
Chlamydenia
Rosetta – Famous for translating grimoires into nine languages. Magik doesn’t like to be translated and often puts up a fight.
Mage Ellen – Creator of Maps drawn using a system called astral projection “as seen from the sky”
Arkasha
Button
Sprig
Blossom
Rose
Hecate
Olwen Flowers
Small Parts
Jacko – a long-time friend of Vinny's.
Gerald – Bit player. Also the farrier to Lady Grey.
Loedof's Cobbler
Klink the Banker
Jan - Klink the Banker's son
Grimoires and Books
A Collection of Similar Words by Emily Brontosaurus.
Ballistics 301 - Crystal balls and how to rub them.
Everything you ever wanted to know about balls but were too bored to ask.
Clamos Incantus
Book of Hexes
Lady Grimoire's Faery Tales
Book of Shades - School book of hexes
The Bumper Book of Nunsense
The Crampus Hermetica
The Hismetica
The Alchemists Handbook (how to make things go boom, including the stock market)
Libri Hekseve - book of hexes
Arbatel de Magika Veterinarium
The Sworn Book of Hornorius (had to take an oath of secrecy to read it, or die)
The Black Poulet (Frankian in Aegip)
The Grok Magika Papyri (oldest) (hwo to create a voodoo doll)
The Lower Key of Sally Mannder (Deamonology)
The Upper Key of Sally Mannder (Spells and casting)
The Witch's Bumper Holiday Almanak (Things to do abroad)
Herb's 7th Book of Mosses (Biblical, parting the red sea)
Simon Nekrubonikon (time and space) - Simon Saize
GildaBruk (Healing spells)
Picamix (gruesome spells)
The Eternally Locked Door (Witch Pumpernickel) About things locked away, like other people’s money.
Le Petit Zizi - french grimoire of Lower Key of Sally Mannder (Le Petit Albert)
Pseudomonarchia Daemonum
Du Petit Albert (household recipes)
The Magus (study notes by famous magikians)
The Book of Shadows (Most well known)
The Cart of War - by Sun Two
Historika Alumnus - notable students from Witchhaven
Codex Goggas – Book of the Weavil and small pests.
(Codex Gigas)
The Gypsym Book of the Dead
(The Egyptian Book of the Dead)
Things
Bodkin – a needle with a hinged latch to allow thread to enter the eye without driving you mad. Why all needles are not made like this is a mystery.
Doma – an adobe abode popular in Gypsum, built tightly together. Think beehive built by a colony of very drunk bees.
Poky – A card game played with a deck of Jokers. The one left holding all the cards and trousers wins.
Makarels – long distance crossbows used by the Gypsum army.
Oud – perfume made from the anxiety of Lignum Vitae trees.
Frankenbeans – Burnt offerings.
Meh – a wood with a woody scent.
Moonblossom – white flower that only grows at night
Jambiya – A curved knife used for buttering curved bread
Onion, the Big Ladle. Sprout, the Little spoon
Séance
The Séantists of Terra Cotta are few and far between. The spend their time with things like how beetles work and what are stars made of. People already knew what stars were made of (the gods) and so it was a difficult career to pursue.
Wonton Physiks is the physiks of small things. There are three types of partikles, namely moo-ons, bosoms (pairs of particles), and Liptons (particles that exist in tea space).
The Gods
Ah. When Ugh the Caveman walked out and became aware of the big burny thing in the sky, it is rumoured he gave it a name.
Al Lark – Jade Feast form of Ah. Al Lark is said to have golden feathers and soft slippers and a temper.
Ma. Ah's mother, the moon. Responsible for oceans, seas, lakes, and private swimming pools and jacuzzis.
Fryggit – The Morning Star. Frygg is so filled with love that her cup runneth over, so to speak. Generally is the first out of bed in the morning which annoys the other gods who like to sleep in.
Mike, the Messenger. Comes and goes.
Phur – the god of cats and balls of dust
Achoo, the God of Nasal Passages. First observed by King Toot before he abdicated the throne to pursue his passion of being librarian of Gypsum.
Food
Cha Tea – a drink steeped in rudundancy.
Roast Centaur (obsolete) – Old Frankian dish of centaur cooked in broth, and then roasted with jersey potatoes, stuffed with spiced bread and horsenuts.
Corn Fish Pie – The cornfish, or kern, is an elusive Norphumbleland animal that only swims uphill. Once at the top of the hill it slides down the rocks to the bottom and lands with a splash in the pool, giving it a delicate and joyful flavour.
Croakonuts – Gypsum dish of fried dough balls rolled with plague frogs, or rather parts of plague frogs
Cuminbear – Very popular snack in the woods of Frankia.
Dolphin Surprise – Tinned brined dolphin cooked in mayo-nose and cuminbear grease. Make sure the dolphin is tuna friendly.
Frogtopus Pie – The Frogtopus is a creature found in holes in the modern River Styx.
Grease and bunion pie or sandwich – A wartime food lingered like an annoying guest and became a nostalgic favourite.
Mother in Law – The only curry so violent is has an arrest warrant in three countries.
Poached Foul – Made from the ingredients in the River Styx the bottomfeeders won't touch.
Shush kebab – for the quiet diner, or doner.
Squishimi – rolls of raw food wrapped in lice.
Tam Saghir – little snakes. Eating snakes can ruin your appetite.
Snake and Kidney pie – has a bite to it.
Snotted cream. Some things are better left unexplained.
Quotes
Always be yourself so people know who to avoid.
You lost me at hello.
It's what it's.